Is this a love triangle?

[Izlude]

so here's the situation...

Since day 1, me and this girl are happy love love joy joy etc etc (we're just happy together)

Suddenly, here comes this guy. He gets a little friendly with her. At first I didn't mind at all, boys will be boys. Then this guy actually has the nerve to come and say, "You are just friends, she is my girlfriend"

Oh No He Didn't!!!!!

To make things even more complicated, she thinks he is a very good friend (not knowing the things he's said to me and about her behind her back) If I try to tell her about it, he goes and says, "I didn't say it" LIAR!!!!! (she believes him)

She doesn't seem to want to listen to what I have to say... It's like, she wants me, but then she wants him. If I do anything to show affection, he gets mad and then she gets mad at me because I'm upsetting him. But it's ok for him to do it... and I don't say anything about it and she still gets upset (holy cow I said nothing, why are you getting mad at me???)

What the heck am I gonna do??? Yeah, it's real, it's not a joke post...

[Pajter]

That sounds like a real crappy situation. I would probably wait it out, but I don't think that's the best thing to do. I think it's just best to talk to this girl in private about it. Be honest, and make sure you have some kind of evidence to back up your claims, or else this other guy will go and deny everything again.

[MrKuro]

this other guy is workin it, and manipulating her a bit .. and now it sounds like you've somehow migrated into just the "friend-zone" in her eyes .. while Mr.door-number-two, has moved in as the more primary interest in her eyes.

how can one correct this? good question... (perhaps get this "new dude" to show his true colors in front of her. Or as I would go at it, try to get her in a private place and express whats on your mind. <without bad-mouthing, or whining too much> Lay on your feelings towards her, get her to see how much you care for her, and what you can offer that is other guy cant .... maybe the interest will shift back your way)

[The_Observer]

frist thing! WE Guys dont say "Oh No He Didn't!!!!" first sign of being GAY!!!

man i been there done this, in the end i just went up and told her how i felt about the hole thing, and told her that i couldnt haddle the "other guy". We ended it soon after but i felt better for it. I cant say that you should this, but it felt better for me, and maybe it will for you. It you guys where ment to be, then its ment to be.

[theyarecomingforyou]

To make things even more complicated, she thinks he is a very good friend (not knowing the things he's said to me and about her behind her back) If I try to tell her about it, he goes and says, "I didn't say it" LIAR!!!!! (she believes him)

She doesn't seem to want to listen to what I have to say.

Ditch her. She clearly likes the advances, especially if she puts his word above yours. It's not worth the hassle.

[Another Canuck]

Make the first move? Ask her out.

[The_Decryptor Veteran]

Ditch her. She clearly likes the advances, especially if she puts his word above yours. It's not worth the hassle.

^ That.

It doesn't sound like she cares much for you.

[Izlude]

Ok sorry about the Oh No She Didn't thing :p I was just watching flap jack... with the nephew...

well I got tons of proof... TONS! I'll post it right now here on the forum... I mean, not that it matters to you, just so you KNOW that I got the proof...

After seeing these things, she still won't show signs of hope... :cry: I tired to talk to one of my friends about it too, he's got me between 2 choies...

give up and let her be happy with him (what? just let her go?)

or

continue as things are normal (oh yeah, right, I haven't the time for this nonsense!!!)

[Biotoxic_hazard_835]

Ditch her. She clearly likes the advances, especially if she puts his word above yours. It's not worth the hassle.

+1. The sooner you get rid of her the better.

[Izlude]

:( i can't!!!!! i mean if i should i just might... but im remembering the 2 years past events... we played games online together, (got married on some game lol) ummm helped her with her homework, gave her encouragements... cared for her when she was sick... sent her care packages in the mail and made her a t-shirt (well the works pretty much... i won't go rambling on) just cuz it felt like i was taking care of her somehow... but man i really gotta??? this bites......... mmmmm i hate this

[MrKuro]

give up and let her be happy with him (what? just let her go?)

or

continue as things are normal (oh yeah, right, I haven't the time for this nonsense!!!)

so were you dating her? or just very good friends?

because now (just a thought) the other guy may have actually been dating/seeing her more intimately without you knowing (hence why he considers himself the "boyfriend" instead on just a friend)

so basically, if you were dating her and in a serious relationship, and the other guy made advances, you should not have let that happen.

But!! if you were just 'good friends' with intentions of getting in further, but the other guy beat you too it, then you may have a problem (waited too damn long, sorry friend-zone).

like my post early ...to correct this occurance (the other guy beating you to the punch) .. you can.. in private.. tell her your intentions and feelings, see what she thinks. ...But . And/or just let it be, as she clearly likes him more at this point.

Maybe over time it will work itself out.

but it looks like you're just a nice good friend to her now, nothing more. . sorry bud (not sure what happened you should have stopped these advances from the other guy earlier if you were commited to each other.)

[Izlude]

yeah the two of us were more serious, dating. even her sister and cousins know about us. i think her sister even blurted it out to her parents one time, but ya... it was pretty well known the two of us were already an item. that's what boils me... we already were committed... lets just say in the beginning, she came looking for me, and I accepted.

[Crackler]

Ditch her. She clearly likes the advances, especially if she puts his word above yours. It's not worth the hassle.

Best thing you could possibly do. Trust me! :yes:

[Izlude]

I want to know, why this happens? There was no sign of her getting bored with me. The last thing we were ever talking about was some hello kitty stuff (she asked me to buy some earings that were diamond encrusted or something...) it's just that when he appeared, she changed and became so cold. So why does it happen?

i've seen enough then, i'll go to sleep and take care of it in the morning. thanks for your opinions, which count very much today!

wait before I go, here's another shot of his comments on her page...

Edited July 24, 2008 by Izlude

[PermaSt0ne]

first of all if you two never agreed to go out (and actually said those words) then you have no basis to get mad on him "moving in". and you could always ask her if she's going out with him while he's there to get your point across

and he's manipulating her. i see it quite often. what will happen is he will sleep with her a few times and then dump her OR she will see what a jerk he truly is and have a messy break up; at which point she'll come crying back to you and you will immediately be put in the "friends zone" the very second she starts recanting her experience

either way you loose. so just step away, mark it down as a loss and move on

[Another Canuck]

If you like her, then fight for her! Are you really going to listen to these other guys who are just saying "give up" willy nilly?

First off, out of everyone here, you are the only one who can properly assess the situation. We don't know what she's like, or the other guy (or even you).

From the looks of it though, the other guy seems like a douche. And it seems like you care for her a lot more than he does. So if she matters this much to you, then make a move. Stop wasting time, that's what got you into this mess in the first place.

[+M2Ys4U Subscriber¹]

Lay it all down to her, in one go, and ask her to choose. if she doesn't, make the decision for her and walk away.

[maplecookie Veteran]

Ummm, it doesn't work that way. As in, my male friend isn't going to say to Flish that we are dating when we aren't. If my male friend starts saying that, odds are we are dating behind Flish's back. (Again, Flish...just an example! lmao)

Sorry, sounds like she's dating him behind your back and he didn't know about you. If you don't stick up for yourself they will both continue to walk all over you.

[That Guy Veteran]

Ask her out. If she truly likes you, she'll say yes, otherwise, she's a waste of your life, and you should just walk away and never speak again.

[maplecookie Veteran]

Wait, I thought he was already dating her? I swear I saw that somewhere.

yeah the two of us were more serious, dating.

If you aren't only seeing each other, then she can do whatever she wants.

[smurfiness]

k, first, to answer your original question, no it's not a love triangle unless you're into him too. :p

Second, ditch her (or threaten to), or make her get rid of him. There may be two years of history for the two of you (or whatever). If that doesn't matter to her, it shouldn't matter to you either. I'm not sure what all that "talk to her about it honestly" crap that's posted here is about; this shouldn't be a negotiation. Either she wants to be with you (and I'm assuming she does understand that you're into exclusive relationships, not threesomes), or she doesn't. If she does, the flirting with another guy, which you don't like, needs to stop. Simple.

I'm not a fan of relationship ultimatums. A lot of the time, they destroy the relationship. But in a case like this, where this other guy (with your girl's implicit consent) is going out of his way to mock you -- with you in the room, no less -- you need be a man, and either put your foot down, or leave. If you're a milquetoast about the whole thing, even if this does eventually work itself out in your favour, you've given her permission to walk all over you for the rest of your life (which she can now feel fairly secure will be the length of time you'll stick around, given that she's borderline cheating right in front of you and you're taking it).

Short answer: Be a man about it.

I've been in a similar situation (though it hadn't progressed to the point where the two of them were openly cavorting in front of me). So I put my foot down. She listened, and did what I wanted, because she wanted to be with me more than him. We've been together two years since, and are engaged now.

[_bobcat_ Veteran]

To me it looks like they are either cheating or he is just winding you up - and she is happy to go along with that. So either she is naive or she has lost interest in you. I can't say I'd want anything to do with someone who let another person upset me and just went along with it, it's vile behaviour.

My tactic would be to first have a serious face to face talk, without him there, and clearly and directly express how you feel and what you want, and what happens if you don't get it. You then need to be prepared to stick to that.

Try not to complain too much about specific events which she could deny. You can give a "I don't like his attitude toward me and you. I feel you are being disloyal, I feel upset...". Of course she might deny it all ... that's when you give her "tough, that's how I feel so if it continues then .....". Make the position clear and don't give in to the temptation to justify your feelings when she argues - you don't need to justify it. If you two are a couple then this shouldn't be happening. If some other guy was trying to claim me as his girlfriend, I'd stop speaking to him completely. This isn't about petty little things, it's about respect, which neither of them are showing you.

Personally I think she needs to be put out with the trash, but there's no point making ultimatums or threats that you won't stick to as that will make you look weak.

[Gotenks98]

so here's the situation...

Since day 1, me and this girl are happy love love joy joy etc etc (we're just happy together)

Suddenly, here comes this guy. He gets a little friendly with her. At first I didn't mind at all, boys will be boys. Then this guy actually has the nerve to come and say, "You are just friends, she is my girlfriend"

Oh No He Didn't!!!!!

To make things even more complicated, she thinks he is a very good friend (not knowing the things he's said to me and about her behind her back) If I try to tell her about it, he goes and says, "I didn't say it" LIAR!!!!! (she believes him)

She doesn't seem to want to listen to what I have to say... It's like, she wants me, but then she wants him. If I do anything to show affection, he gets mad and then she gets mad at me because I'm upsetting him. But it's ok for him to do it... and I don't say anything about it and she still gets upset (holy cow I said nothing, why are you getting mad at me???)

What the heck am I gonna do??? Yeah, it's real, it's not a joke post...

Leave her then. No woman is worth fighting over, sounds to me she is really just using you and she is really with him.

[Gotenks98]

:( i can't!!!!! i mean if i should i just might... but im remembering the 2 years past events... we played games online together, (got married on some game lol) ummm helped her with her homework, gave her encouragements... cared for her when she was sick... sent her care packages in the mail and made her a t-shirt (well the works pretty much... i won't go rambling on) just cuz it felt like i was taking care of her somehow... but man i really gotta??? this bites......... mmmmm i hate this

I am going to ask you a question and I want you to be honest. Are you sleeping with this girl? If not I cant see how you are that involved where you just cant let her go. I can see the emotional attachement that sex can cause but in your case if you are not sleeping with her then you just need to let her go. I have delt with similar situations in the past where females do this kind of flirting thing. It is never good and bugs the **** out of me. Its either you are with me or your not. They only get one chance to screw up and I am cutting them loose. There are just too many women out there that want a man and because of that you dont have to deal with crap like this there is always someone else better. In contrast the woman I am married to was very shy, and kept to herself. Never ever flirted with other guys, although other guys still try to talk to her even if I am right there. Nothing a quick flash of the wedding band cant fix. My only issue with her is dealing with her evil mother.

[ninjamunky]

Ditch her. She clearly likes the advances, especially if she puts his word above yours. It's not worth the hassle.

+1

Hate to break it to ya but she's trying to play both of you. Kick her to the curb and move on. If you really had something with her, she'd be interested in hearing your feelings about this other guy. There's better ways to waste your time.