Thousands of years ago, our ancestors drew onto cave walls; that was their way of sharing feelings and aspirations. Communication methods have evolved since, but some things never change. Love still is the greatest feeling, when it's not the worst. Just ten years ago social networks didn't exist in the extent they do today. Friendster, MySpace and Facebook didn't launch until 2002, 2003 and 2004, respectively — just to name three from a myriad offerings available. The foundation of these websites is the ever-present urge to stay in touch with friends, relatives and lovers. Online dating also saw a tremendous increase in user base over the last years. At first, one has to wonder how dating can work without the essential flirting. On a website you don't flirt; you simply click on the potential partner and perhaps write an affectionate message. Principally though, the selection process is no different than in a real-life situation. Beauty, character traits and hobbies are still the criteria that determine the eventuality of a relationship.
Instead of wooing a woman with lustful gazes, a few well-chosen words could express one's passion with equal persuasiveness. Rejection still occurs, though. When you walk up to a lonely girl, sitting at a bar, sipping a cocktail with ennui, you either lure her in or not. From the perspective of the female sex, it certainly is a different story, since women often expect us, the desperate men, to start a conversation. The outcome of the ensuing dialogue is always inevitable; either it's a success or the two people continue drinking their drinks alone.
The first step to a successful internet relationship is to stop labeling it abnormal. We must agree on one point: to have friends on the world-wide-web means also to diverge from the norm. The thoughts of fellow Neowin staff members imply the ease of reconnecting with long-lost friends as the true appeal of social networks.
Weird people do exist in this yet so small world. The advances of technology have only made it simpler to meet these creepy characters. However, let's not dwell on possible negative endings. Blame yourself if you get hurt online; when one purchases an item on Ebay, the same rule applies: caveat emptor.
To make a case for the benefits of internet relationships, allow me to tell a story. Five years ago, I signed up in some geek forum, wanting to connect with other Star Wars fans. I recall having lots of fun chats with anonymous avatars. As weeks and months passed, often burning the midnight oils, I began to develop a bond with one user. I'm meeting her in person for the first time in November.
Oft-times it's so hard to look someone in the eye and speak the truth. An online friend, who is just remotely aware of your condition, can provide useful and objective advice. To be unemotional is impossible for close friends or relatives, for that matter. They care too much; now, this shouldn't imply that online friends don't care for your troubles. Yet they do in a dispassionate and controlled manner.
It will be captivating still, to finally see her in real-life. After five years of chatting and speaking on the phone, we may think we know one another. The knowledge of our pasts notwithstanding, there's still so much more to a person of flesh and blood, than there is to an entity that's made up only by your imagination and whatever you choose to believe. Beyond the stories we shared and fun chats we had, there is a real person yet unrevealed.
The breaking point for online acquaintances is whether one chooses to meet in person. That's when everything can go wrong, or even surpass expectations. It seems to be a matter of choice. What decides the outcome of an online relationship is what you choose to do with it. Either you simply want an uncomplicated relationship, to be able to talk about all kinds of things, personal and general; or, you look to meet new people, intent on making new friends in real-life, too.
Sitting in front of the computer, wherever you are, limits your vision. For that precise moment the world exists within the confines of your computer screen. It does diminish your awareness of what's around you, and suddenly this online friend becomes real.
We must reconsider the meaning of the word ‘stranger'. A stranger is someone you might talk to on the street, when asking what time it is. A stranger is the one waiting in line in front of and behind you at the local grocery store. A stranger is everyone mingling at the shopping malls. A stranger is also everyone you meet online, in point of fact. Yet, the definition of a word can change. It's wrong to declare someone a stranger, just because you meet them in a virtual chat room or a website.
Thoughts, dreams and aspirations can unite people. There are of course other reasons which are less philosophical. Since the advent of MMOs you can complete quests together with online friends, and this adds a whole new layer of complexity to the idea of online friendships. This also gives the word ‘stranger' a new meaning — internationality has become the catchphrase of the Internet.
Computers, iPhones, and other mobile devices ushered in an era of incessant connectivity. Anyone who doesn't embrace this new way of life risks being excluded. The push forward, both in business and personal matters, relies on our ability to stay in touch with relatives, friends and colleagues. To cut a long story short, online relationships don't have to be motivated by sex, but can simply be an exercise in collaboration. Who hasn't teamed up with fellow students, to work on a joint project? Our own Neowin Linux distribution Shift was also created by an enthusiastic group of developers around the world. It was a communal effort, and it resulted in a functional Linux distribution that could be downloaded by anyone.
Lastly, it's language itself which signifies the authenticity of online chats. It's possible to discern the character of a person from the way they express themselves. A cynic chooses different words than a pedophile. One or the other will be more eloquent, and that indicates whether your chat partner is a geek or an academic or some horny guy who can never be a great conversationalist.
Now it's up to you, as a member of this community to share your story and thoughts. Perhaps illustrate also the bad things which can happen. So far, my experiences were always positive; we have all read a few horrible stories, though.
















Last edited by ripgut on 10 Oct 2009 - 05:00
+1. Excellent editorial, quite deep to be honest.
Do you mean a real life in person relationship with someone you met online or in a online relationship?
Having all those random followers on your Myspace/Facebook account doesn't mean that you're popular and successful. It's impossible to be best buddies with all the people following your Myspace/Facebook accounts.
Strangers have existed ever since Life began - it's no different on the Internet. I'm sure we'd all go out and meet close friends discovered via the Internet if they physically lived close by.
There's nothing new in this Editorial - leaving the reader with thoughts like 'Why is this an Editorial? Shouldn't this be in the forums, instead of the front page? Are they trying to conduct a discreet survey here?'
The Internet is merely a tool that Enhances our social lives, NOT a replacement.
I should say this is a great topic, I'll think again about my decision and will read others' comments too.
Thank You Max...
Last edited by veternan on 10 Oct 2009 - 07:48
Online relationships can, at best, pose as a cheap and temporary substitute for the real thing... and after this scarring experience, I won't soon trust this medium again in matters of emotion. It's too easy to lie, and almost just as easy to believe... the risk of getting hurt is so much higher it's not even funny.
However you say it, I share your experience. I've had a two or three bad experiences meeting someone online who lied, lied, and lied some more but I've also had some good ones. When it comes down to it, meeting someone in person is much better. That's how I met my wife and upon first meeting her I knew she was special and I wouldn't want to let her go. You can't get that feeling in an online relationship no matter how many pictures, e-mails, IM's, social networking sites, or webcam sessions you have.
Wait....you havent reached even 7 months and you are already thinking of proposing to her?
when you find the one it's one of those feelings of just knowing. atleast it isnt a shotgun wedding.
Many divorced people have said this at one time or another.
many divorced people are weak willed and let the little things in life consume them.
Are you saying you and your 50% are going to be weak willed and you let little things in life consume you?
On my opinion on the matter: Like someone said before, the REAL difference between online and real life is when you talk online youn cant express body language, tones, moments (like you go for the popcorn at the same time and actually grab hands, etc).
Also, lies. Someone can make up a complete other person of themselves. Back in the days, people would photoshop pictures or send fake pictures or just make up stuff about themselves. It has gotten alot better but.
Society is also a key here. A lot of people dont frown upon it but simply dont tell they met their 50% online (myself included).
My expirences have mostly been good. Some have been long distance and some have turned out to be a simple ****. You really cant understand how it will turn out until you meet the person in real life. Another "issue" is when is the right moment to meet the other person. In a typical guy-girl online, the guy always wants to meet while it takes the girl a WHOLE lot of time to actually warm up and say yes. But take it in a local club, you (a female) meet a guy. Maybe you exchange numbers or maybe you **** the **** outta him. In case 1, you possibily meet him the next day he is avaliable without further talking or maybe a couple of phone calls. There isnt much difference between that and meeting someone online.
My last relationship was with a girl I met at a party and she actually cheated on me. First time in my life, while in a online relationship (AFAIK) I have never been cheated on (this was towards you dnagroove). Life is like dice; The chances are random so take a dive.
Currently, I met a girl about 2 nights ago online and she is great....too great. Similar hobbies as me (including PCs, no I wont bring her to Neowin
I love Neowin editorials.
(Obviously they were in local area, or there isn't too much point).
With my last ex, it was actually the reverse, she had to move back to the states, we tried online for a while, but it just didn't work for both of us.
anyways, from my experiences, online dating can work. however if you and the person you are chatting/talking with are local, dont spend too much time chatting/talking, meet face to face as soon as you can. like others have stated its hard to tell their body language by chatting or even phone
Internet relationships are risky by default, for the simple reason that you are speaking to a "screen name" while the person(s) behind it is/are profiling you, archiving information you give up about yourself (willingly or unwillingly), for God knows what reasons. And furthermore, there are no means to verify if the information given to you by the person(s) behind the screen name is accurate or not. This "screen name" might just disappear at any moment with all that valuable information you've given up; however, the person(s) who were using that screen name, are still out there, representing a potential direct threat to you... because they know too much about you.
You might argue that, a sane person wouldn't give up sensitive/personal information to a complete stranger. But the matter of the fact is, people give up those information as soon as the other person creates a fake sense of trust, which lowers all their defenses.
And that's only if we spoke about basic chatting over e-mail or IM services. Social networks are way more risky, for the simple reason that your life becomes a film everyone is watching. The information a person shares over a single social network is accessible by complete strangers he never spoke to or chatted with: the very people who are running that network for starters, any person gaining unauthorized access to the network, complete strangers they want to get to know... Identity theft has never been this easier.
You could argue that this is too much paranoia, but it's healthy paranoia nevertheless, imo. My viewpoints needs to be elaborated furthermore, but then I would just scare the living hell out of some people XD
Thank you for a good read though max
It's different when you meat a person FOR THE FIRST TIME in real life, and then continue to communicate via social networks (although, lack of face to face contact could make a HUGE difference), but meeting someone for the first time on a social network means nothing,and there's a huge chance you'll end up with a bitter feeling that you've been taken advantage of, in my opinion. NOTHING can substitute a real life, face to face conversation.
Btw, English is not my native language, so sorry if there were some ridiculous grammar errors in my post
;?P
My strong distaste for internet relationships isn't exactly from a bad experience, directly at least. I've simply considered the internet to be impersonal. Humans aren't meant to communicate via text on a screen. We're meant to hear, see, feel each other. Even with the advent of internet phones and webcams, it's still not the same as actually seeing someone.
I know this first hand because I, like many others who were born into the internet age, spent more time online than I did out interacting with people during my youth. That had enormous repercussions on my social abilities. It was something I had to work extremely hard to get over going into adulthood. I've finally weened myself off technology, I can keep eye contact, I can make conversation, I actually have a grasp on what's going on in the world. These are basic things most people do naturally, but for the longest time I couldn't do that unless it was through text online. This is mainly why I have qualms with technology, it's almost like looking back at a destructive smoking addiction.
But I love how Max addresses this. There are some bad apples out there, but you're bound to encounter them whether or not you're online. Although you might throw them off pretty quickly if you were seeing them in person, if you were seeing them online you might hang on a bit longer. And I think as long as you meet them in person and it stops being only an online relationship, everything could turn right.
Name a place, date and time and everyone here will simply meet there and you can say your comments around a table.
Our on-line personae is most often who we choose to be -- who we would be if unencumbered by the physical world, with both it's demands and constraints. We might be several people, each with a different voice, & in fact we might even be indulging in a daydream...
If on-line we gain insight into the inner who & what of any particular person, in the physical world we're each defined & confined by all of these layers -- I'm reminded of Shrek's talking about onions & layers in the 1st flic. There's not only our self images of who we are & who we'd like to be, but how we appear, along with how we actually act or behave... everyone's seen folks who believe they're something they're not. Our behavior & demeanor also dramatically reflect our expectations, & we know and rely on this when we see &/or interact with others, judging body language & reading other clues. That on-line person is still there -- somewhere -- but is it on the surface or buried in unreachable depths? Is there garbage on the surface that's just too distracting, so we never dig?
Now I know that all sounds so analytical, & indeed the roots are in behavioral mod, but I think & hope that this sort of reality check can put a hold on our own, too often grossly unfair expectations. If on-line we're each who we wish to be, we can turn everyone we meet into who we wish they were as well. In person you don't want to measure someone against some notion totally concocted by our imagination -- if you're only interested in your own imagination, why leave home in the first place?
It can work. I think part of why this worked for us was we were able to express ourselves comfortably without worrying about what the other thought of our looks.
Good luck to you on your IRL meeting. I wish you the very best.
We were in an online relationship at the time I came to visit and I knew from the moment I saw her, that she would be the one I'd marry. We married a short time afterwards and we have been together ever since. My only regret is that I couldn't have met her sooner.
Funny thing is, the exact same thing happened to her sister. She met her husband in Warcraft, he came to visit and they married a short time after. They are still together too.
It's not just relationships, I have lots of friendships with people I've only chatted to online. For me I've little interest in meeting them unless perhaps we happen to go to some event at the same time. I'm happy just leaving it how it is because I get some interesting conversations with people which supplements my real life social contact. A bit like how you have different levels of friendship in the rest of life (people you wait for the bus with, people on your uni course, people you work with but don't socialise with, etc)
P.S. The editorial text is good, but I twitched when I stumbled upon "iPhone". Seriously guys use proper words or you start to sound like subliminal advertisment.
Since 2001, I have been trying to date online, been on 1 date from online dating site (she just wanted to be friends, already has a boyfriend) and 1 other who kept her distance for over a year before I quit pursuing her.
Despite 7 years of trying, it was a massive failure. 400 emails sent to girls, only received less than 10 responses. It really sucked dealing with so many no replies.
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