[news] Popular Pokemon Killed; Steven Parker to blame

By Brian
in Jokes & Funny Stuff

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ptjSk.jpg

The English-yet-is-living-in-Holland-for-the-pot, Administrator of http://neowin.net, Steven Parker (also known as Neobond) has allegedly killed Godzilla -- a popular rare pokemon.

A pokemon fanatic, Tom Dwyer was distraught by the news of Godzilla's murder.

I have to say, I'm planning on leaving Neowin soon too. I'm hearing allegations that Neobond killed Godzilla with a spoon and well, Godzilla was my favourite pokemon character.

Neobond, as he is affectionately known as in the Neowin community is well known for his normally placid temper and exceptional beer consumption skills.

Authorities initially believed the killing of Godzilla was a bath salts related incident, until it was revealed by an anonymous source that Parker neither bathes nor eats salt. Toxicity reports returned a negative result for both substances. Upon further investigation, police believe that the alleged crime was committed in a rare moment of sobriety for Parker.

When Parker was arrested he had 3 grams of marijuana, and a 12-case of Bavaria 8.6 in his car. The murder spoon was has not been found.

Godzilla, the only known specimen of the false-diety genus of pokemon was the final evolution of a line of other theocratic zilla pokemon. Researchers have determined Godzilla evolved from Zeuszilla then Mithrazilla and finally Godzilla. Godzilla, also known was Yahwehzilla was known as Japan's apex predator through most of history until confronted with Scienceachu. The only other known example of the species died in 0AD. It's skeleton is on display in Vatican City.

Investigators are unsure if the controversy surrounding Scienceachu's introduction into Japan is a possible motive for the killing, but witnesses account that Godzilla may have touched Parker's thinning, but glorious hair. Speculation by Godzilla's known associates indicate that Godzilla may have been attempting to confront Parker for deleting important press materials detailing Godzilla's latest movie "Pokemon 75: Godzilla Uses Surf in Detroit." Self defense has not been ruled out.

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Grand Master

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At least get his nationality right mate!

the rest, spot on :laugh: :laugh:

(edit: OK, it was spot on at one point, it's been edited numerous times by now, ha)

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Grand Master

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He's English, is he not?!?!

Aye, but even living in Holland I think you were going for Dutch, not Danish ;) sorted now anyway, nice work.

the citizens of Denmark don't claim him :laugh:

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Aye, but even living in Holland I think you were going for Dutch, not Danish ;) sorted now anyway, nice work.

the citizens of Denmark don't claim him :laugh:

Yeah. Sometimes the fact checkers are on the pot.

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