John Veteran Posted January 29, 2004 Veteran Share Posted January 29, 2004 First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-caw-go, assuming you live north of Roosevelt Rd., otherwise it's Chi-ca-ga Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Naperville, and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We all drive like that. All directions start with, "I-94" .. which has no beginning and no end. The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11. The evening rush hour is from 2 to 8. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic. Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had so much fun with that we have added the Elgin-O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix. (Incidentally the 'Elgin-O'Hare' does NOT go to either Elgin or O'Hare). All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Cicero!" If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. All old ladies with blue hair in Buicks, Caddy's, or Oldsmobile's have the right of way. Period. First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (only a few examples) If asking directions in Cicero you must have speak Spanish. If you stop to ask directions on the West side you better be armed. A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, Although many expressways (they are not freeways)have posted speed limits of 55, the minimum acceptable speed on expressways is 85. Anything less ...get the hell out of the left lane. The wrought iron on windows in Englewood, Lawndale and Austin are not ornamental. The Congress expressway (Ike) is our daily version of NASCAR. The Dan Ryan is called "Nairobi 500". If it's 100 degrees, it's "Taste of Chicago". If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Wrigley or Comiskey. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western Open is in the second round. If you go to the Wrigley Field pay the $25.00 to park in "Cubs Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run . Chicago, there's no place like it! ---------------------------------------------------- You might be from Chicago if.... You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois. You become irate at people who do. You measure distance in minutes. (SO?) You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines," Your school classes were canceled because of the cold. Your school classes were canceled because of the heat. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. Stores don't have sacks, they have bags. (DUH!) You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.(Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the Jewels I wanna go with." You can locate Illinois on the United States map. You carry jumper cables in your car. "You drink "pop." (The correct term) You realize that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads. You refer to any interstate highway as "the Tollway." You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan. You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois." You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake." You refer to Chicago as "The City." No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown" you immediately assume they're talking about Downtown Chicago. You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers. You buy "The Trib." You know what goes on a "Chicago" Hot Dog....and you are permitted to shoot anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is. You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City." You understand what "lake-effect" means. You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at (oops ...ending preposition again). You have ridden the "L." You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847, 630, 773, 708, 312, & 815. You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet: (588-2300 E M PI R E!!) --------------------------------------------------- most of these are very true :yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aem4162 Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 LOL cool list Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chavo Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Ha, I'm in South Florida and it's pretty much the same down here. You have to drive like everyone is out to get you. It also helps if you drive a tank. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
threetonesun Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 lol, I've been to Chicago almost a dozen times now, and the cab rides from the airport to the city are the most insane ones I've ever been. Those guys will change 4 lanes at 80mph to make right turns. I haven't been in such a long time though, I really need to go back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BroChaos Veteran Posted January 29, 2004 Veteran Share Posted January 29, 2004 chicago is a great town. downtown LA just isn't the same... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmuZombie Veteran Posted January 30, 2004 Veteran Share Posted January 30, 2004 whats scary is empire carpet has the same phone number, and song in milwaukee :o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ice_236 Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 ....and in Seattle, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#Michael Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 I live right behind the eligh-ohare expressway and we here now call it the 'itasca-hanover park' racetrack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 whats scary is empire carpet has the same phone number, and song in milwaukee :o 588-2300 Empiiiiire! Chicago is awesome. I live right between it and St. Louis. St. Louis doesn't hold a candle to Chicago. St. Louis is very..dirty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
threetonesun Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 whats scary is empire carpet has the same phone number, and song in milwaukee :o It does everywhere :happy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Veteran Posted January 30, 2004 Author Veteran Share Posted January 30, 2004 I live right between it and St. Louis. peoria? :whistle: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firebud Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Isn't that the truth. :cool: I live 20 minutes from downtown. :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IEricG Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Mental note to self "Never go to Chicago".... Noted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmuZombie Veteran Posted January 31, 2004 Veteran Share Posted January 31, 2004 this explains it, i always thought it was a local number for empire :shrugs: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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