Prasanth Posted May 31, 2002 Share Posted May 31, 2002 for nothing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel F. Administrators Posted May 31, 2002 Administrators Share Posted May 31, 2002 except for reminding everyone that victimizing & hatefull posts will not be tolerated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prasanth Posted May 31, 2002 Share Posted May 31, 2002 after all these incidents prasanth posted his 1000th post... *wipes out tears* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mariusu Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 he was so happy, that he started to cry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel F. Administrators Posted June 1, 2002 Administrators Share Posted June 1, 2002 and set about getting to his next post mile stone by..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mariusu Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 tomorrow...because he was scoobie undercover:lick: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel F. Administrators Posted June 1, 2002 Administrators Share Posted June 1, 2002 but he just sliped voodoo ?20 and voodoo changed his post count to.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prasanth Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 10000 and keldyn became angry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mariusu Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 and keldyn changed his post count too...to 3 bizzillion posts... "- Now beat that!", said Keldyn... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deryck Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 so Voodoo asked the moderators again to change it to 65*10^67 (sixty-five times ten to the power of sixty-seven)... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prasanth Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 but the mods refused... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mariusu Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 and a flame war began... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deryck Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 Okay, after hours of putting this together. Please bear in mind that I am not spamming since that the sheer length of the thread can not fit into one post due to the word limit. I had to alter some of the sentances so to make sense and to fill in areas where the text is missing (due to being taken away by the moderators). Spelling and punctuation has been added where possible. Here it is, okay: Chapter five, part one On the seventh day, of the seventh week, of the seventh year of the Dragon of the seventh millennium; finally Fedr0 decided to give a cut to this dating system and get on with the story game but he failed so he decided to pass the turn to Mariusu while Voodoo says hay I?m here too then Wog Boy thought he would add that Fedr0, instead working, just started a Starcraft skirmish game, playing against 3 ferocious computer enemies, actually they were 7 on a world smallest map and he finished kicking their a$$ out after using every cheat in the book but Fedr0 remembers Wog Boy that in skirmish and multiplayer you can't cheat. Twist wakes up and starts killing Fedr0 some more until Voodoo wakes up and slaps Twist and also resurrecting Fedr0 again with a form of Voodoo magic. Voodoo gives his *magic wand* a shake, to loosen the magic. That?s when Osiris Returned and ***** slapped you all back to the ming dynasty. Voodoo takes his hand of his wand and looks at Osiris. Osiris takes Voodoo?s wand and makes all the spam disappear. Twist comes in and kicks everyone in the wand and Voodoo takes the wand back off Osiris and makes Twist disappear. Osiris laughs at twist as he disappears. Twist is now invisible and goes around punching people but since he's invisible (thanks voodoo) no one knows what hit them. So Twist, thirsty of revenge, decides to kill Osiris. Osiris, all of a sudden, gets up brushes himself off, and stares at Marisu. Voodoo gives his wand to Osiris and says do your worst. In the moment, Fedr0 read another stupid JimF's post and decided to report it to the mod. Osiris gracefully says thank you to Voodoo, and proceeds to sentence Marisu to a life time sentence of reading JimF's Threads and Twist to a lifetime of hanging around with Scoobie. Twist slowly goes insane and starts eating peoples livers but everyone realizes Twist cannot type for bananas so they all decide to go out for a beer and attend a lanparty. Twist stays here and tries to learn how to type a bit better to please the English professor where everyone was playing Jedi Knight 2 and sharing a copy with Osiris but the force was not with Osiris so Voodoo helped out with his magic and Dessimat0r gave him some of his Kai to replenish his power levels. Then came along the Borg which assimilated Voodoo. Dessimat0r then became the king of all borg, and a breed of kittie-nanites then took over the borg not before one Borg cube survived and eventually assimilated Tai but Tai was pulled back from the brink of assimilation by Voodoo who flogged him for being bad. But then Mecha-Vegita had another thing in mind. Remove Voodoo with someone other than Tai but Tai was all whom was around, so Mecha-Vegeta went for the obvious, desperate as he is, as Tai's screams of ecstasy fills the air in what was really a mirage created by the kitties, so it never actually happened in reality whatsoever. Tai was trying to burn a CD-R when it performed an illegal operation on the Apple Macitrash 9.2. which was resolved by the good folks over at Neowin with some friendly advice. So he sent every member a $1000 check to say thanks but Voodoo used his magic to collect all the money and gives it to Keldyn to keep in a safe place; within a vault with doors of six feet thick titanium and guarded by remote sentry turrets. But these security measures are useless, because they are no match for the master-thief Tai who rises from his slumber to plunder the vault with ease, bagging all the loot and making his escape, aided by master thieves kitty & co. who gets blown to a crunchy crisp by multiple bursts of super heated plasma fire. Was that the end of Tai and the kitties? No. Keldyn feels such remorse for seeing Tai & kitties being roasted that he brings them back to life while voodoo stands in the background, laughing at nothing! The kitties, feeling such love for Keldyn after his good deed, ran to him in a frenzy to say to him to go away. That?s when Osiris came back from the future to recover from his deep depression from the destruction of Neowin in the future. Using his knowledge of the future, he wants to avoid the total destruction of Microsoft in the future. But why? Because Bill Gates pays him for sexual favours while twist gets nothing at all (from women at least). Because Voodoo is asleep and dreaming again, dreaming of the lies, all of the lies! Meanwhile, in space, an orbiting gang of kitties watched the antics on the Neowin boards looking for victims when they saw twist and ate his testicles with some sushi which he stuffed up his anus and started to hurl, but Neowincars.net decided to give twist a last chance until voodoo whispered in Mariusu's ear, so he decided to take over the world and make Tai the emperor of the kittie-realm which controled the world with kitty litter. Voodoo returns to the darkness, but warns "I'm still watching U?. The echoes of this statement sending a chill among all kitties everywhere. The danger is not yet banned, but the danger is getting threatened that he will get banned. ?Thou shall be banned?; Keldyns voice echoes from the shadows but the bad acoustic changed the words so that they resembled an evil laugh which then mutates into the winning lottery numbers for $450million. Voodoo stands in the darkness with Keld, pointing at who gets banned next. Then Keldyn whispers to Voodoo ?All who oppose us shall be banned? and then in a booming voice says "death to the rebel scum" and draws a smoking minigun from his trenchy but they have absolutely no power until Keldyn throws the switch and brings the full force of 100 fully armoured robot sentries baring down on Mariusu. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deryck Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 Chapter five, part two Voodoo, standing with his molotof, selects a target. Keldyn casts his imperious gaze over to the rebel scum, and points towards Mariusu. "You may fire when ready Voodoo". When Voodoo realises he?s holding a "sex on the beach" cocktail not a molotof, he pulls out a copy of one of JimF's preachings, and prepares to overwhelm them all with insidious religious babble but decides to burn Jimf's teachings by lighting his big wet fart. Meanwhile, Mariusu casts a suppah-dupah-destroy spell in window.document.all()which caused Bill Gates to have a new idea which somehow causes an immense explosion incinerating Mariusu. Keldyn points and laughs, watching him run circles, frantically trying to extinguish the flames. But in his panic, runs headlong into the rest of his rebel comrades. Chaos ensues Voodoo sing "run rabbit, run rabbit" at the flaming fury that is Mariusu But this should not be the end of the revolution!!!! Meanwhile, the love season for the kittens started, and they all get into an orgy but all k****** were ordered to be executed by the grand master Keldyn and surprise: Mariusu survived the attack of the clones (Voodoo and Keldyn) and he is now more powerful than ever. However he decides to take a break and go on holiday and were hereby dumped into a boiling vat of corrosive acid, along with Mariusu. Voodoo gets tired of all the carnage and lights a big Cuban cigar and thanks Tai but my smoke needs a plant in it provided by his very good old friend Fidel then proceeds to do his best "Godfather" impersonation in the theatre of London. Voodoo fails miserably so does his famous "pimp daddy" come get some look which draws Brittney Spears whilst Keldyn falls on his ass laughing at Voodoo?s crazy antics. Voodoo ***** slaps Britney, causing her implants to fall to the floor so Keldyn decides to a have game of hack with voodoo, using the implants, and passes a long shot to him. Voodoo runs away, there alive or so he thinks, all of a sudden they begin to mutate, twisting into obscene biomechanical abominations...which scurry off in pursuit of Mariusu, chanting, "ooops, I?m going to kill you again". Voodoo picks them up, my Misses could use them then looks a Keld and says "You good if a knife!" Bill Gates, Keldyn and Voodoo were very good friends but they explode and all the gel flies everywhere so voodoo uses some apples instead. He also buys the latest windows OS from his brother but Tai suggests water melons would be better. Windows XA - eXtra Apples. Windows EA, "we're juicy for j00!!" Or windows XM - extra melons. Which were both copyrighted by Neobond. So while Voodoo checks out his apples, Keld munches on some melons but he's very hungry and he wants some more. Voodoo got over his apple fetish, and looks around his baron orchard until he spies love Hewitt across the street, fresh and juicy, and ripe for the pickings. She's dancing with those ugly aliens. Voodoo takes all the apples & melons that are left and makes a fruit salad with Mariusu's head. But that's impossible, since everybody knows Mariusu is alive and stronger than ever. Meanwhile, back in reality, Voodoo and Kel finish off a nice meal of Mariusu brain salad which was delicious. Voodoo says to Keld, ?I?m going to get my shrinking head potion out and pour it on? but they can't eat it. Instead they must defend, themselves from the evil that is the religious post and the elite Intel soldiers. Keldyn snatches the potion from Voodoo, and prepares to hurl it into the midst of the rebel faction or just dump it on Faction and steal his computer. Until Voodoo realises its a 486 so he nicks his 40" TV instead. Keldyn, agreeing with this change of events, fires the missile at their upstart leader Faction who is transformed into a gibbering little snot, possibly a transformation? Which Voodoo wipes away with a snot rag then from out of nowhere came a robot with funny looking legs that Voodoo waves at sleeper before producing his big sleeping bag programmed to hunt down and destroy Mariusu and co. but veers off course crashing into the rebels central command, which sets off a chain reaction because the rebels have the power of the Jedi?s. Jedi tell you off eh? .The sith lurk in the background watching these events. Voodoo tells them to sith of back where they came from but they overpower Voodoo with the dark side, making him theirs or feel the wrath of Keldyn?s sock of doom. Voodoo now under the control of the sith decides to chop his had off and laugh at Luke, who turns into a she-Jedi with a long hairy beard and back on Planet Earth, where all the little Pok?mon & Eskimo Bob live Voodoo kills the Pok?mon so hairy muffs can rule the earth along with their ruler Shaggy who checked to make all the muff was clean and in good condition and ensured that they were all groomed neatly. When they passed his inspection he ordered them to Eskimo Bob who is a nice guy but don't bring him into this, it?s just between me and you! Get naked and do it in some jelly while being filmed for the great Neowin Media Player launch event with Gokuu, Vegita and SSJ8 Gohan was there too. [YIKES] who organised one of them there orgies for the after party event? And went to the phone box to dial 911 e-v-o-l-u-t-i-o-n !!!. Neobond answers, and says Keldyn is not there as Dabura. He also wants to mention that he hates the images posted in the comments above because they are crap, and are meant to be. Hmmm said the gorilla as he scratched his groin expecting his organ to jump off a bridge and SCREEEAAAAMMMMMMMM then starts continuously whacking his head against a brick wall until his brain is showing . A new day dawns at Neowin, where peace & tranquillity reign for about ....9 seconds until a fleet of borg cubes invades Neowin to assimilate the whole community which were deflected by Captain Keldyn's starship which suddenly exploded because something hit the fuel tank. The borg cubes keep on invading Neowin since Captain Keldyn's starship exploded. The second outbreak of peace hit's Neowin, where free love and mutual respect reign for about sometime then...the borg cubes made a huge hole in the earth and got stuck in there. Keldyn was taken to a far away galaxy where Neobond is never herd of and Keldyn has no mod powers and only one borg cube got stuck in the earth and the rest of the borg cubes assimilate Tai and DigitalDJ45 as to not make any more trouble for the borg drones DigitalDJ45 gets killed but reincarnates as the ruler of the world but Tai resisted successfully, and the borg were taken down by Brilliant Digital's crappy appy they assimilated by mistake DigitalDJ45 takes off in his futuristic rocket ship to Keldyn to save him from Love Hewit which is actually a monster is deskise but DigitalDJ45 and Tai can dream all they want in their recharging borg chambers when they sleep and they will never ever be able to resist the power of the borg though DigitalDJ45 is in his dreams he has a special pwhich turned the borg into 'hello kitties'ower of telepathy which is able to destroy borg somehow in which the borg queen stops successfully the telepathic powers of DigitalDJ45 and resumes his daily borg routine with Tai. Tai and DigitalDJ45 stomped on all the "Hello Kitties" and the borg people were destroyed but mentions to Tai and DigitalDJ45 their still dreaming in their borg chambers of Picard growing his hair again. DigitalDJ45 doesn?t like Borg people but wonders where the hell did they came from anyway. They came from the delta condrant to conquer the alpha condrant and all its inhabitants including the Neowin planet. DigitalDJ45 commits suicide because he cant stand it anymore. His last words were: ?Smoke Me a Kipper; I?ll be Back for Breakfast?. Then Dessimat0r started singing the ?ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US? song franticly, moving his whole body with the rhythm. He does it so madly that all his limbs fly off into MaxReboot and Warp2Search, and smacks the webmasters in the face. Then a ten year old borg collects Dessimat0r's limbs and says: "your base belongs to me now?. Goat sacks and the rabbit kidneys then the borg assimilates Silvergold and wI-OSMAN- to do their bidding then wI-OSMAN- goes away for another day assimilating the rest of the Neowin planet then everyone goes to GOATSE DOT CX and look at the nice man and then reprograms Dessimat0r's sick Borg mind; making him a more efficient drone but then Mister Rogers is assimilated by the Borg and reprogrammed from being gay into a productive drone which then screws up all the borg & turns them back to their original species. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deryck Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 Chapter five, part three While some people were tired of hearing about borgs and Tai agreed, the Moderators of Neowin decided to sing in an opera and Vinh got a date with Faction, but Faction canceled it so he called Keldyn , Neobond, and Vinh came to arrange a date with aria Giovanni and the borg queen who eventually assimilates Aria Giovanni into the borg collective takes off her clothes and fondles with but aria resisted, helped by the amorous liaisons of the Neowin moderators and all the borg were killed, i.e. made dead, fried, roasted, taken out, and generally just wasted, to make sure they didn't return ever ever again and Aria Giovanni lived happily ever after in my bedroom till the end of time. Borg778 became a nun, Dessimat0r became a Supreme Kaio and as his first act as Kaio was to dismiss the MS Anti-trust Case and get his hair cut into a cool Mohegan and when he walks down the street, everyone looks at him funny now that apple was railed by my leet ra3 skills in midair while I [Faction] rocket jumped from the Goodyear blimp and exploded since lesbians sat on the moderators and looked at a picture of Freiza. Neowinians began to wonder about the one word story game and it's validity disappears and it snowed. Everyone made snowmen so that snowmen killers could roam wild on the boards then suddenly, an evolution thread appeared for everyone to disagree with what?s obvious in this world! Before they knew it a religion thread and another popped up so Keldyn blasted it with the nuke button and had JimF fed to a pack of ravenous dogs who then went to make a bid on the Lara Croft outfitt over at eBay, but the pope had already brought the Lara Craft outfit for a wedding that he was attending on Tuesday after the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Grass, he enjoyed so much that he put himself up for bids on Neowin. There were so many bids that he just sold himself to the Colombian drug dealers, but they did not have any cash, they had drugs to give, so he decided to distribute the drugs for the careless, but then Keldyn sees him, and closes him, but Neobonds ends Keldyn's moving and closing spree by sending him on a one-way trip to Argentina. When he arrives he sees that Timd0rr is taking a flight to Hawaii to meet the girls there.. so he tries to get enough money to fly with Timd0rr by selling stolen goats, when he gets enought money, he jumps on the plane with Timd0rr but Timd0rr moves him to another seat, then both fight about the fact that "their love is over", and the plane takes off.. So they keep quite and think about the girls in Hawaii when they arrive, all chicks jump on Keldyn's arms, so Timd0rr locks Keldyn away and takes all the girls to the beach. Keldyn calls Kareena Kapoor for help, but she explodes into a million pieces because she is really an undercover. She tells him that she is not going to help him because she and Space Guy are on a cruise to Florida and then suddenly all women around timdorr became mini clones of Steven Jobs, while mini clones of Bill Gates go to free Keldyn but, unfortunately, those clones were borgs. Meanwhile, Timdorr runs from the mini Steve Jobs and escapes to Neowin Rotating Headquarters in outer space when all mini clones get junctioned to form a super-duper-fokking mecha, with the only mission of destroying Neowin so Keldyn is left locked. Timd0rr tries to reach the Neowin Rotating Headquaters but does not make it because the lunar rotation changed ( ) then SUPER SPACE GUY come and destroys them all. Meanwhile, Kusanagi does a menage with Kareena Kapoor and Megumi Asakura, leaving Space Guy on but Kareena kicks Kusanagi's ass telling him that she is Space Guy's only after having goody-goody schweet sex0r with Kusanagi, but meanwhile above post was in Kusanagi's Matrix World NOTHING WAS REAL. Kareena does a karate chop on him and Kusanagi cries like a baby while Kusanagi cries, no one else than Utada Hikaru comes and cheers him up, while Space Guy has once again saved the day and gotten his girl; goes to Hawaii with Kareena to save Timd0rr and Keldyn from mini Steve Jobs meanwhile, Kusanagi invades Cs_Italy for l33t hostage keeping, not worrying about Utada. She is falling off a cliff but SUPER SPACE GUY comes and saves her! When Space Guy tries to kiss Utada, she kicks him on the crotch when Kareena sees that, she runs away crying but Kusanagi fails to notice that he was kissing Kareena and that was not a kick but a smooth move by her. So smooth that made a huge noise, as if someone dropped an AK47 on the floor. OH NO, IT'S THE SUPER EVIL KUSANAGI trying to kill them all but SUPER SPACE GUY kicks SUPER EVIL KUSANAGI'S ass and throws him in the gutter. Kusanagi cries because space guy tk'ed him and when the round is over, space guy crashes as a punishment and then, Kusanagi does all sorts of things with Kareena, Megumi and Utada, when SUPER SPACE GUY is back. Because of his super strength he does not die quickly so he throws SUPER EVIL KUSANAGI to the other side of the world. SUPER EVIL KUSANAGI can?t do anything about it then, Kusanagi wakes up in Thailand and meets CONFIGURE, that is also mad at SUPER EVIL KUSANAGI, so CONFIGURE kicks SUPER EVIL KUSANAGI'S ass too when Neobond sees that, he calls Redmak so they can both help Kusanagi. Meanwhile Space Guy is enjoying a nice sunny day with Kareena on the beaches of Hawaii. Keldyn is trying to catch fish while Timd0rr is trying to find girls to impress when Timd0rr finds Britney Spears crying, while drinking some coconut milk he tries to calm her down but she slaps him for not offering her a ride. Keldyn takes advantage of this and offers Britany a ride home. She thanked him with a kiss, causing Timd0rr to get angry. He tries to run behind the car but it makes a sudden turn and Timd0rr falls in the water. Just then SUPER SPACE GUY introduces him to Utada. They go for a walk. Utada talks so much about Kusanagi to Timd0rr that he leaves her alone. Right when Kusanagi arrives and joins Space Guy and Kareena on the beaches. Meanwhile Keldyn is dropping her home, turns into dropping her into her bedroom and so on and so forth. KELDYN GETS LUCKY!!!! But when Britney gets on the real good, she screams "KUSANAGI I WANT YOU", making Keldyn get depressed and try to catch fishes once again and while Neobond sleeps he dreams of big bird robbing a bank with a Microsoft disk. Poor Keldyn; then catches a boot with a key and pass to a billion Dollars. He is happy. Timd0rr find this out and try?s to lock Keldyn away but Keldyn is a bit too fast so he jumps on his brand new BMW z3 and tries to run away to Mexico, but he forgets he's on Hawaii and hits 5 people on the beach and runs off a cliff into the ocean runs around Hawaii trying to find a exit but does not find one (DUH!) so he tries to take over an air plane to do so. Unfortunately, Blackcloud stops him and grabs Space Guy from his seat and throws him off the plane letting Keldyn takeover the airplane.Unfortunately, our friend space guy is busy on the ground. SUPER EVIL KUSANAGI tries to get rid of this good member of Neowin (Blackcloud) but SUPER SPACE GUY stops him. BlackCloud thanks SG and tries to get Keldyn's money but they fight. So SG stops them both and gives a billion to BlackCloud and Keldyn has a billion so he does not mind (SG IS RICH) and then, Timd0rr, bored with life, goes to a rave party, where he sees NeoBond and Remake drinking some b33r and "talking" with ladies and some strange chick offers him a couple of green glow sticks, but they were in reality green burning liquid they burn though anything. NeoBond was about to taste it but SUPER SPACE GUY saves him once again and after saving way too much people, Super Space Guy falls on the floor, tired. Kusanagi gives him some Red Bull, and then sg starts dancing on the sound of kr4zy rave music, surrounded by glow sticks and then, Eek the cat comes to the scene and Anormal runs after it to save it but poor Anormal is too slow. So SUPER SPACE GUY has to save the day again and gives some steroids combined with ecstasy to Eek, and ends up killing him right after he jumps around the dancing floor with thousands of glowing sticks around his neck. Anormal gets angry and goes after space guy but SUPER SPACE GUY pours this special medicine into the cats mouth and its alive again. Anormal is happy again but he turns over to Timd0rr and tries to use his l33t hypnotic tricks, while saying "your mom will like me". Again, super duper mecha Kusanagi has to save the day, and saves Timd0rr from the 3v1l mind tricks but Timd0rr is too far in for Kusanagi to save so one again SUPER SPACE GUY has to save him. His super powers are the only ones that can save Timd0rr and he does Timd0rr is back! w00t and on the other side of the world 3d realms works on their masterpiece, duke nukem fornever. They are just writing an e-mail for Kareena Kapoor to invite her to co-star their super-duper game but SUPER SPACE GUY stops her because he knows its a trap from SUPER EVIL KUSANAGI. She gets angry at Kusanagi and kicks his butt again and so does SUPER SPACE GUY. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tai Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 The kitties read that with great interest, ....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deryck Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 Chapter five, part four Kusanagi cries, then goes back home where he finds Utada and Megumi to cheer him up while they watch Shrek, the phone rings. Its no one else than SUPER SPACE GUY asking for a big box of b33r for Keldyn. When we last left Keldyn he was going to Las Angles to get his money but when he got there he found that a stripper had gotten it before he did. Timd0rr finally gets Britany Spears and they go out and "talk". Since Kusanagi doesn't have b33r, only w1n3, he sends some terrific Brazilian wines for Keldyn, that are only beaten by the French ones, but Keldyn rejects it because he just wants da best! He Asks SUPER EVIL KUSANAGI for w1n3 from Frace. Kusanagi then mixes the wine with the water that came from his old beetle radiator, so it looks like French (surely it doesn't taste the same ) but Keldyn is smart and makes Timd0rr taste it before he has it. Timd0rr is lying on the floor and then SUPER SPACE GUY comes to save him. He give him the special medicine which makes him fine again but the medicine opened a backdoor on Timd0rr's brain, and then the bad guys from The Matrix invaded his brain. He is now part of the dreamworld. Now, we need lots of guns, and SUPER SPACE GUY says "Tank, I need guns, lots of them" and he gets guns. He goes inside Timd0rr's brain and kills bad guys. He comes back out and find Timd0rr is back!! w00t. But Kusanagi's brain has collapsed, and he can barely speak English. He goes back to bare-Portuguese-mode. ?E agora, quem poder? me salvar?? (E now, who will be able to save me?) SUPER SPACE GUY just shoots him in the head because he is annoying (j/k) and goes to sleep, goodnight all. He wakes up to find himself naked in a strange place Only to see Osiris saying thank God Space guy finally went to sleep and lo tranquility descended upon the one word story game thread once again but was quickly ended by the arrival of Twist! who proceeded to raid the gold vault of Neobond who was leaning towards the dark side but SUPER EVIL KUSANAGI comes and kidnaps twist, so the thread can go on free of problems but Kusanagi loses Twist in the fog because Osiris drops the flashlight in the fog, after seeing Kusanagi signature and while Kusanagi walks around, asking for help Tai runs off with the chick in Kusanagi's signature but then, Megumi Asakura (that's her name) finds out Tai's evil intentions, kicks his ass and helps Kusanagi so they can go to Bali have some fun but Tai strikes back and whips Megumi away to his secret hideout. Kusanagi goes berserk and uses the power of the Olympic sword. (Jaspion, anyone heard of it? It's famous around here, ehee) to find Tai's hideout but Tai has already passed Megumi onto Osiris while Twist runs to the bank with his gold, and proceeds to by Microsoft, next OS TwistXP. Osiris, being friendly with Kusanagi, gives Megumi back, in exchange for the Olympic sword, so he can beat the hell out of Tai but Tai takes Megumi back for another night. While Tai and Megumi "talk", she calls for Kusanagi. Tai gets depressed, a joins Keldyn. They both go catch fish Twist gives tai the most dangerous weapon of them all, a team of high priced layers! Which he uses on Megumi who runs back to Tai because he's just the best. When Kusanagi finds out that Tai used a dangerous weapon on Megumi, and that she went out of her mind because of the hit, he calls Neobond so he can issue warnings to everyone on this thread trying to steal Megumi from Kusanagi but Neobond takes Megumi for himself. Then Osiris, Tai and Kusanagi go all together for the payback. Neobond took over for himself the girl everyone wants. Peace descends again on the Neowin boards where not a locked thread was heard & not even a mouse squeaked and so it was written, that Tai & Megumi finally got married but when the priest asks "Would you like to get married with Tai, Megumi?", she screams: "Tai? Is he not Kusanagi?" Tai gets sad but they marry anyway, while Kusanagi looks on, wondering what might have been seeing that Megumi got married with Tai, Kusanagi just calls Madoka Ozawa (mmmaadokaaaaaa) for a date and on their date, they read poetry. Suddenly, the kitties reappeared to take over Neowin. Anormal's kitties have run out of control, and have joined forces with AOL to take over Apple & force a new world order of Apples in everyone's asses, where apples belong and work best along with Kazaa & those folks @ Brilliant Digital. *news flash* OMG! OMG! THE ALIENS HAVE LANDED..THEY'VE LANDED .............. So it was decided to repel them with a cloned army of Neowin Moderators, more specifically Kelydn, who swiftly Moved and locked them up. In the while, Fedr0 went back from the holidays (sigh). Until a rebellion started within the alien prison to thwart the Neowin Mod imprisonment establishment letting all the go and then all the aliens ate the Neowin Mods alive along with all its members. Osiris just grabbed some popcorn and watched the show while Tai fed the kitties And Kusanagi reads poetry to Madoka while Megumi serves cold pineapple drinks to Tai. On a beach in Hawaii, Tai drinks his cold pineapple drink made by Megumi with pleasure fifteen seconds later, he dies. Megumi gets all his money and runs away to Kusanagi's house, to met him and her friend, Madoka but Tai comes back (like that cat, u know...), & Megumi, knowing who is just 'da best', makes her way to Tai, followed by Madoka, and the kitties. Voodoo pops his head around the corner and waves only to be bundled into the back of a black limo by the Execs of Brilliant Digital. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deryck Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 Chapter five, part five Madoka, Megumi and the kitties kill Tai eight more times to make sure he won't resurrect, and go back to Kusanagi's place. Voodoo's muffled screams can be heard until they fade into the distance so a resurrected & immortal Tai calls Super Neobond for assistance to rescue Voodoo and Fedr0 sends his attack kittens to protect and escort Tai during his dangerous task of rescuing Voodoo from a car full of Megumis (kusanagi's sig chick (8 of them)) but Voodoo did not want to come out it seems. So he must be dragged out and into a bath full of baked beans which were eaten by a pack of wild afrokens who hoped the beans contained sausages too beat binladen over the head with. Meanwhile, Voodoo sat in the corner farting until Osiris threw a match in his direction causing a huuuuge explosion which blew Webgraph into a billion pieces after incorrectly editing Dessimat0r's posts from what he DOSENT KNOW about dragonball Z, and this causes Dessimat0r not to post in this thread again, because he forgot to look to voodoo for leadership in. Osiris sneezed on Dessimator so Dessimat0r thought about making some more art and all the members of Neowin (except me) but he sucked a monkey?s nipple and lived happily ever after! No, wait. Kusanagi was too busy with Megumi to suck a monkey?s nipple, but he also lived happily ever after! Tai was too busy with Aria Giovanni while Osiris was too busy with a coast Porician prostitute......er I mean I was on the phone while Fedr0 changes his signature and everyone admires that cute kitten and the kitten poked Fedr0's eyes. Suddenly Akira came and fire the kitten with his superpower and the kitten die while Blackcloud sits in his chair trying to figure out what Akira just tried to say. Akira stares at Blackcloud with his shining red eyes and while Akira was starring. Another cute kitten came up and ate him. Then the kitten turns to Tai and says "Thanks mate!" Blackcloud then hands the kitten a joint and smokes it with him. While smoking the joint, the kittie recalls his adventures as a dedicated Tivossi that when the MIB bust onto the scene and Will Smith gets killed by Carleton SO Tommy Lee fires up his gun with a sub-atomic moleclar impulse implosion of level 5 but Carlton begins to dance SO Tommy Lee just shoots here Cold Dead and Will gets up and starts singing his MIB Song with Tom Jones who was wearing an Afro and God decided they both sounded pretty silly and he sent a storm to chase them away. Thats when JimF hits the scene and starts telling us he was right about God but Fedr0 gets ****ed and calls Keldyn who pulverizes JimF with his own bible leaving JimF's remains to be eaten by a bunch of kitties, who evolve into large fire spitting snakes. The "Kat" From Red Dwarf then went on to eat the 3dRealm programmers as they're just a bunch of lazy people not finishing Duke Nukem Forever which is a POS software anyway since the market is flooded with FPS games anyways. The "ONE word story game", the never ending game is the SHIBBY!!! Booya. Highland Park, eh? Tai decides to send the kitties to eat the people at the RIAA. Meanwhile in a Galaxy Far Away Voodoo wispers Recording Industry Association of America and fades into darkness again. Osiris just and pretends he?s not hearing whispers and voices in his head. The faint whisper gets louder, until voodoo's is shouting at Osiris. ?How you pronounce your nick name? Voodoo asks. Osiris says to the whisper ?O-SI-RIS or O-SIY-RIS?, which had everyone wondering what to say next until a lion came out of the Neowin jungle and had Tai for dinner after tearing his body to shreds. Tut...tut...tut...tut.... the alarm start ringing and the Neowin members start running away from the lion until Akira trips over a branch and eventually gets eaten alive by the lion ?arghhh...... help me!!!? he says. ?Ahhh?, too late as the lion rips Akira apart and then starts to eat Akira's brain while clawing on other portions of Akira's body which it used to make pickles for snacks. Tai was resurected by the great kitty god to once again cause havoc in the world who teams up with Keldyn to wreak havoc for the cause of righteousness and the preservation of kitties. Voodoo stands by Keldyn's side in the name of riotousness and thus, the Titanic struggles for freedom, integrity, and global dominance of the kitty begins since the price of CD-RWs is now $100 per CD because Microsoft had to raise the price of Window XP 1000% so all the piraters now have to charge $500 a copy, thus inflating the price of CD-RWs until it became a national crises and the government had to intervene so when George W. Bush was sitting on the toilet a creature pulls Bubbabyte down the toilet and eventually eats him for dinner with a lot of gravy. Soon after that, the toilet exploded, showering certain people with certain toilet fecal matter which completely bogged down the MSN Messenger server but this isn't relevant to the universe in the scheme of things and the new iMAC bites my [Anormal?s] balls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deryck Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 Chapter five, part six The emoticon was sad then happy and joyful and licky but also mad that he was eaten by a shark in the Sea of Neowin the other day and his remains were found scattered across the Sea of Neowin until Altezza was swimming and the shark came to dine on Altezza the following day. The new rulers of the world were also eaten by the shark from the Sea of Neowin along with Mariusu and then the local fisherman came the next morning to pick up their remains but he found nothing. The shark had eaten every last bit because it was so hungry that day. The shark also consume Borg77 body and digested it and then decided to swim away after the shark had been tricked into eating the last exo-skeleton that Borg77 used and so Borg77 then watched with his new exo- skeleton as the shark swam away with the remains of Mariusu and Altezza while borg77 was thinking he was out of danger, a new species appeared, bigger and stronger than the shark and the other species the borg assimilated it was the mega kitties with one major difference. Their tongues waere bigger and stronger and as rough as a R2-D2 unit which went on to become a Master Jedi of the musical ?Come What May? which was sung by Obi Wan Kenobi after Anakin had his arm sliced of by Count Dooku which I [JnCoKiLLa] shot him Between the eyes with my Colt-45 then I picked him up and chopped him up and throw him peace by little peace to my pet lion until Yoda entered and came in a killed u with his masterful technique with his light-saber while dodging the lions on his flying cushion until the lions came back and ate Tai, voodoo, JnCoKiLLa, Altezza, Silvorgold, Mariusu, and Stevie leaving behind a disturbing scene of organs splattered everywhere along with some left-over bones. As they tried to escape they trigger a booby trap and they were greeted by 30 lions in a sealed room and the only way out is the hole in the floor which leads to a tank full of great whitessss. As they are ripped apart, Yoda said to himself with his very that breath ?why did save his sorry a$$ for anyway?? but Borg77 reminds JnCoKiLLa that he's already dead and can't get through the hole in the floor but the power of the force brings Tai, Vodoo, JnCoKiLLa and all the others back to life, who then flatten the Borg. That reminds Tai that the lions have more power in the force then the mentioned Neowin members and then the lions eat Tai, Voodoo, JnCoKiLLa, Altezza, Silvorgold, Mariusu, and Stevie over again but this time taking the force away from them in order for them not to be resurrected. Then the borg come with there cube and asimalt all of them into the collective and finish off the rest. Turned to the darkside they have lies & deceit are the ways of the sixth lion. There is a newsflash: ?The Borg announce they have tapeworms and they are gonna feed them to VooDoo? The dark hole beckons, you can feel the force but you cannot control it. Announces another news flash that the Borg tapeworm story is false but the 30 foot long mutated tapeworms have all along been feeding on the remains of Tai, voodoo, JnCoKiLLa, Altezza, Silvorgold, Mariusu, and Stevie destroys you but we are all immune to the tapeworm, and send a she-male vet to investigate the Borgs passages. She says to Tai that he was not immune but in fact he?s already dead and that the tapeworms were feeding on the remains of his dead body it finds us ok and say how Dead Tai looks now after the worms had there way. Tai volunteers about the implanting thing with Aria Giovanni after all I [JnCoKiLLa] took a secret drink to kill the tape worms off before they could do any damage until Aria Giovanni gets eaten by the mutated Tape Worms and a while later they slither away with the remains of Aria Giovanni's body. I [JnCoKiLLa] come with my AK-47 and kill that Tape worm so it can never do anymore harm not that it has kill Tai and all the others. Tai had also consumed the drink and had passed it onto the others named. Tai and JnCoKiLLa are informed that they are all doing this in their after-life spiritual bodies and that they can't have any effect on the physical world as they have died long ago after being digested in the lions intestines and no we all celebrate since we all can relax with other food and death sticks. Yes it does. Voodoo uses his Jedi mind trick to make Borg77 dance like a chicken with piles (hemorrhoids) then reflects whatever Voodoo throws at him with his own Borg force which is by far the most superior force in the universe and I [JnCoKiLLa] kill just site back and laugh as I watch from a distance. Announcement from the Emperors office: ?Tai is immortal and comes back, never to be ever killed again? Keldyn ponders should Tai change his name to Kenny, whilst aiming a very large destructive device in borgs direction. His hand strays on the trigger, awaiting the signal to fire ?Go Keldyn !!!!...... fire fire fire !!!!!!? ?Fire keld quick before they have time to think? Keldyn slams the fire button, and there is a rushing sound then a flash of brilliant light. The borgs are engulfed in searing white hot plasma fire, completely consumed. The air crackles in the aftermath and the smell of charred flesh and ozone permeates the air. A scattering of fine ash is all that remains which was then used as fertilizer. Voodoo thinks Keldyn is a good shot, but Voodoo wants to get his can-opener out just incase. ?Borg Crispies anyone? Keldyn asked? Keldyn settles down to relax after the carnage..."munch munch". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deryck Posted June 1, 2002 Share Posted June 1, 2002 Chapter six, part one At the new space station Tai ponders his oncoming trip to the dark side, being that his SW character is Anakin and definitely cool and Keldyn tries to liven things up but clapping one hand over his mouth and doing his best Darth Vadar impersonations. "Krrrshhh...use the force luke!!" So Voodoo uses his can-opener to open some beans & fart the theme tune. In fear of the noxious vapors wafting his way, Keldyn makes prompt use of his respirator. Voodoo uses his green toxic fart smoke to make a impression of a light saber. ?May the force be with you - and a gas mask.? Keldyn stumbles through the noxious fog, gasping and choking. Dammit, where did I leave my [keldyn] hazard suit!?? Keldyn?s hazard suit was being used by Aria Giovanni for a photo-shoot with the oily look and Keldyn was so happy about that Osiris finally returns after getting lost for 2 days, somebody renamed the thread on him. But he loves (does he really?) the new name of the thread which the kitties applauded but the fans hated. But as no one sticks to the "one word" inc. we changed it, aslo because the kitties wanted it that way. That's why when the revolution came but was halted by Voodoo & Keldyn saying and all the members of Neowin suck a monkey?s nipple (except me Syphern) and live happily ever after. Voodoo starts a new topic in the neverending thread of doom, which was why Syphern was banned forever from all fun in the world and in the universe and in the Kittiverse and all over the net until the operation performed by Keldyn and voodoo failed to prevent a toga party starting at Neowin until a cloned mutated Tapeworm army was created by the Borg Empire back in the Delta Quadrant. Then they invaded the Neowin planet enveloping anything they see and eating the last Neowin emperor named Keldyn. That's when the tapeworm turned to Tai and assimilated him since he had a signature remarkably similar to Kelydns. But Patrick Pickard saved the day once again, destroying the borg queen ship and freeing the enslaved planet of Neowin. The elephants rejoiced and Patrick and his tapeworm had a teaparty. There was a lot of wind that day, and the whales however, JoGro123 was reading his fairytale book and day dreaming again but in actual reality the Borg had already assimilated him along with the Neowin plane. Borg77 died which was true in the day dream that Bant had the other day which wasn't true in the real world then borg77 REALLY died. Borg was vaporised. He is gone, dead, never to return but Locke forgot to remind himself that his day dream was fictional and that he was recharging himself within a borg regenerating machine. Reminds Keldyn that he reminded Tai about that but he always has some foolish way about resurrecting himself then Locke realized that the world was about to end.The oceans will rise, the cities will fall but Keldyn and Neowin and this story thread will go on forever! Without the annoying borg until more borg came from the outer reaches of the Universe to recolonize the colonies that Keldyn had destroyed but this time but Locke had the misfortune that the borg had tricked Locke into thinking that aria was actually taken. So, instead the borg beamed Locke's ass back to him with a huge tapeworm slithering out of it and then the tapeworm engulfed Locke in a good meal. Locke translocates himself out of the thread, as he does not find borg's inability to die amusing.. He does not want any part of the BorgWars anymore as the pain is too big and the candle so small so a new art of war was born using only waffles, pez and a dirty pair of socks! Hay give me[voodoo] my socks back I?ve only had them on a week and went and killed a crocodile in the Nile as a sacrifice to the alien moon god Keldyn, destroyer of worlds and maker of butter popcorn! As the ritual ends and the night falls and the seasons turn this is the time when warm summer sun turns to a Autumn haze and and the skies glow gold-red at sunset with a hint of frost on the morn dew a wind blows in from the west carrying the scent of orchids whose soft scent permeates thru the dusky meadow and thus was the fate of the last bar of Twix which was consumed by the kitties as they sat upon the ground, telling sad stories of the death of kings whereupon Keldyn, Lord of buttery popcorn and mighty blower of whistles, rains fire down upon the hapless kitties, boiling their putrid flea ridden asses. Keldyn celebrates his conquest with a bucket of buttered popcorn and these are the days of our lives. *music chimes in* ?Lo, behold ye Neowinians, the sun rises on a new day? exclaims a jester and then he died lying limply on the ground the jesters already pale face looked cold and sad. His bright red shoes however looked really nice and shiny, and the rabbits wore glasses because Maynard was sporting a brand new Technicolor Dreamcoat which dazzled them with its brilliance. Then they find out it has poison gas in it while a sonnet was sung of blue skies & little fluffy clouds while a nuclear bomb fell from a Taliban aircraft and bounced right back into it which had not even left Afghan air space yet. Their fiery nuclear fate was assured and they were sent to the afterlife, discovering that the '70 virgins' awaiting them were not virgins they then screwed many cows in hopes off finding one that is a virgin and making sure she did not have bovine spongiform encephalopathy (BSE)(mad cow syndrome) in mist or cloud on mast or shroud: It perch'd for vespers nine, Whiles all the night thro' fog-smoke white Glimmer'd the white moon-shine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deryck Posted June 2, 2002 Share Posted June 2, 2002 Chapter six, part two Keldyn appears in the neitherworld and destroys the interrupting poet! He then turns and says "Ph34r M3!!" but alas, nobody cares. Then a giraffe farted which was a sign for the lion to run after Keldyn until the lion decided to run after Space Guy and then Space Guy found himself encircled by 100 lions. Then the lion stopped going after Spaceguy since he changed his signature. They instead were vaporized when Osiris farted on them and the whole world came to an end all because of that but Faction and Timdorr had collected all the Dragonballs, and were able to wish the world back into existance.. but did it really exist? Jeeves Stobs says "Peanut Butter! Where in the hell is my low fat non-dairy creamer?!" Suddenly, there appeared splash of white light, through which rivers of hazelnut, Irish cream & mocha non dairy creamer, drowning... out the stale, dry, horrible taste of my 100% Colombian coffee. I [Lazydesert] fell to my knees pondering what I had done in a jail cell in the middle of Africa when suddenly appeared out of the ground was a plant which was classified as a carnivorous plant which eventually ate DigitalDJ from head to toe as a good meal, after words, the plant said ?mmmmmmmmmmm tasty?. He saw a vision a world with no soldiers with peace and goodwill towards men. I got a nuke and you go Boom..Boom..Booom but JnCoKiLLa forgot that he was on a deserted island with his nuke which accidentally exploded from under ground I watch my blast proff bunker as the island submerges along with JnCoKiLLa so with the island gone the Neowin world was a peace again for a 1000 years and then I [JnCoKiLLa] was reborn as a god to kill all that I just don't care for but not for a long time until JnCoKiLLa was banished to be a mortal for the rest of his days and face the real justice. Why wait until high school to acquaint children with Shakespeare? The Shakespeare Collection offers skillfully retold versions of the playwright's most popular plays in storybook form for children ages 7-10. Written by experienced children's authors, the stories have been reviewed by the Royal Shakespeare Company and contain extracts from the original texts. Sir, sir! Impatience hath his privilege aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I say foreknowing that the truth will fall out so. But now, we all know nothing and were all back we started because what goes around, comes around and no one lives forever except me not even in Neowin land where suddenly, bright flashes of light appeared in the sky and the Neowin god of mercy came to reanimate anyone killed in the Neowin wars whenceforth all the clones stood up and started to sing O Canada so peace and tranquility return to the glorious world of Neowin. Bill Gates started using an iMAC and one of those cool EPOC based super powerful terminals like Batman has and Spiderman wants to have but we all know Batman kicks Spiderman?s bum and Batfink is even harder still. Now, every superhero in the universe wants to have one of these supercomputers which were originally designed to run Microsoft Windows ME until the designers were shot. by Keldyn but the Cray Supercomputer workers got away with a copy of Microsoft Windows who sold it to the now dead BeOS community and the powerful Linux soldiers were slain alive by the powerful Windows users using advanced laser weapon technology to decapitate all of the Linux soldiers but then Bill "Vader" Gates appeared and was quickly assimilated by the Bill "Borg" Gates the one who cooperates with Bill "Spiderman" Gates to destroy the Macintosh Planet two galaxies away. They are also trying to get the Linux planet three galaxies away but that planet is just to hard to conquer until the sun providing the light to the Linux planet imploded and eventually destroyed the Linux planet but this was not the end of the Linux resistance then all of a sudden Luke and the bloody rest of Star Wars fanishes from existence into a Commodore Pet called C64 that had a blue and pink striped hat and was swimming in a tub full of pink jellow. This mutant was called the Mariusu mutant and it was born to destroy borg77 until Borg77 adapted to Mariusu's weapon mechanisms and then Borg77 used his high energy laser weapon to slice Mariusu into a million pieces which was eventually fed to his assimilated dog maybe, but not for sure tells Mariusu's spirit to go to the Borg Library in Cube #59 and look at kill id# 6497134165746 as he will find digital media records of his death but there was no cube #59, since the borg cube numbers start at *60*. unless Mariusu couldn't read the sign that read "Borg Cubes 1-59" inside Borg City but there is no borg city, since it was destroyed 3 millenniums ago by a superior civilization forgot to mention to Mariusu that the borg city had been transported to the future before the attack and then was transported back to circumvent any destruction. After that, Mariusu became the emperor of the Neowin planet. That?s when a strange sensation of deja-vu came over us. Mariusu bought Microsoft and Apple for Osiris to become a billionaire and help Borg77 to get over the entire borg civilization in which Borg77 vanished using his teleportation technology created by Webgraph! A fat child then broke out of Dessimat0r's chest, with Dessimat0r's heart in his hand, beating away. He then clenched his hand, and squeezed the heart until it burst. After it burst, the head of an alien popped out of the heart, and flowers sprouted from Dessimat0r's corpse and it began wildly bouncing off every wall in the room. Rooms which immediately collapsed when Timdorr, Heavy Moving Services, demolished the house of the rising sun and started to build a new one. According to the Mariusu legend which says was king of the Neowin Planet for a 1000 years until Link came to destroy his kingdom and then the Neowin Planet was uninhabitable for a million years. Meanwhile, in the Sherwood Forest, Borg77 was robbing the rich and giving to the poor and he was called Robin "Borg77" Hood until he meets his arch-nemesis, Darth Neobond who was strong in BBcode and C++. Big and menacing, Darth Neobond crushes all who oppose him! Until the Death Star where Darth Neobond lives is suspiciously blown up by rebel guerillas two star systems away who took their kitties for company so they could steal Darth NeoBond's genoma to generate a super-evil creature which traveled back in time to1969 to see what chicks were like and to learn more about the funkadelic art of shagging baby but also about how to pick his nose with an iron that was built to smash down everything and throwing up some more buildings and Loogies and pillars. Then, Austin Powers appeared to kidnap the kitties and sell them to drug dealers for exchanging. But Austin couldn't get much for his friendly pussies, so had them castrated and put to sleep. 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Deryck Posted June 2, 2002 Share Posted June 2, 2002 Chapter Six, part three In the meanwhile, somewhere in Usbekistan, EvilKeldyn was finishing has brand new invention the ultimate automatic thread mover! Which he plans on using on every thread at Neowin so he can raise his post count even while he's sleeping. This is too dangerous for the community, so we decided to strike back and start spamming every single thread, hack Neowin and get admin powers with these powers we can eliminate Evilkeldyn and the dark side of the force once and for all but then, Neobond comes into play and starts to warn all Neowin users that they will get kitties if they free the world of Keldyn's mad plans and also get a date with Megumi Chan - wait! Who the hell is that? I don't know! Said a voice from the darkness it was Voodoo come back to say ?All your base are belong to u forever and ever and ever" and as whatever was happening forever and ever continued to happen, Jennifer Lopez' ass swooped down from the sky and ate Keldyn, and there was chaos, Neobond continued to swim in his gigantic bowl of noodles while sipping sake whilst holding. [multiple choice time] 1. A katana... 2. A kitty... 3. Aria Giovanni Kusanagi chosen option 1: Katana and then Keldyn tries to Option: 1. Slash everyone 2. Cut his way through to Tazmania 3. Open a coconut 3. Open a coconut.... (yummy) Tai said. But he fails because Kusanagi got there first and enjoyed all coconuts with megumi while Neobond became El Presidente of Microsoft, making all the Neowinians whack the piniatas but most of them just took copies of the piniatas home and NeoWindows 1.1 Beta was sliced into a million pieces. Neobond is a ninja and we all know that ninjas flip out ALL the time. There was this sweet wailing guitar in the background and Neobond cut Bill Gates head off because he looked at him funny. FACT: ? Ninjas are actually turtleswith jetpacks and machine guns and super-powers which, generally taste good roasted, with fries. Then, Spiderman decided to visit Keldyn, and ask for his suits back but Keldyn was away but not really so Spiderman had to go around 'in the nip' and was arrested for indecent exposure and whipped with long Strawberry laces and all this only because he did not make a kitty skinned MSN Messenger for kitty lovers. But now, that he knows what everyone wants a bowl of soup and a fork, because only the soup had a zinger burger in it which was the size of Steve Irwin's head when covered in turtle poo that looks so bad, especially because there was coconut mixed in it and Keldyn decided birthday today (hint hint ) that Voodoo be flogged in the public square with with a small bag of pickled onion crisps that has obviously gone bad as it stinks like the shiznit. Then Keldyn, leaped from the shadows, hurled a smoke grenade, and disappeared off into the night. When the smoke finally cleared there was no sign of Voodoo anywhere from the corner his eye sleeper notice's a trail of crisp crumbs and follows them hoping it will lead to the secret area of Neowin but alas the crispy crumbs are nothing more than a decoy and lead to a dead end alley. The trail has gone stone cold. But then Voodoo decides to do his now famous fart-light-saber impression, which glows in the dark and vibrates like a damaged rusty chainsaw so he decides to do a smoke signal to attract all the sexy young ladies watching from above in the chamber of gods but as usual I only attract a few as the rest can't take there eye's off of sleeper as he starts to do his flaming bum hole party trick which never fails to burn his bum hair, but it still gets a laugh when he sees the people getting ran over in gta3 he couldn't even pass his test . So along came the all-mighty Kusanagi! Which in English mean, KFC employee that serves poisoned chicken to Osiris however Osiris knows it poison because Osiris Eats more KFC then anyone one on the boards that, no longer under disguise, grabs his shurikens and beats the hell out of Osiris and on seeing all that violence, megumi chan runs off with Tai, never to return again well, not really Megumi was the one behind the shurikens... so she ran directly to Tai Land because she drank the water. Luckily the water contained steroids, so she was able to lift a man with one finger. Unfortunately, lifting men with one finger was not a good skill to have, since it only came in handy when she wanted to date a Neowin moderators who's kinda phat or thin and sleek. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deryck Posted June 2, 2002 Share Posted June 2, 2002 Chapter Six, part four, unfinished This moderator was wondering about some hot belly dancer gal's ass in the middle of a game of Super market sweep in which he won a crate of massage oil which he used on nothing. But there is hope for the Neowinians arse face. It starts to snow but it shouldn't, cause it's July. Why can?t summer just feel like summer instead of winter? Because we're here on the northern hemisphere where it is summer and the sun exploded. It went out with a bang which was then was replaced by a flaming Athlon combined with geforce 4 power and a chicken curry with basmati rice which proved quite effective in totally wiping out the unsuspecting Neowinians who own Lindows and like to joust while swimming in cold water which made them look lik the programmers who made Lindows look like Windows 95 and Linux distribution made by Neobond and Keldyn to crash Dazzla's Mac and Prashanth's computer however Prasanth handled the distro CD to Mauriusu and Mariusu gave it away seeing these Neobond became angry but Deryck forgot Silvorgolds birthday a few weeks ago so Silvorgold was really ****ed off and he few to Prasanth and kicked his butt! He got very mad and tried to hit back. But could not do anything so he lit up a doobie and got lit up. But he forgot that I was in England at the moment while Silvergold did not realise that his birthday was a few weeks ago. The service at HP was not good enough for Deryck so he did something bad to the girl next door so he also lit up a doobie like Ghost Cloud and started to jack off to old man porn and sell it to girl scouts selling cookies who then beat him to death with the cookies for trying to sell them porn. Then, he decided to sign up on the Neowin forums with a different nick and spam the jokes forum and people thought he was scoobie but he wasn't he just likes scoobie snacks! But only when they're chicken curry flavor and also accompanied with a side order of garlic bread and a shot of Johnny Walker which just rocks seeing these Bill Gates thought of buying this thread to include the curry option with Windows XP, service pack 1 but Bill decided to buy Mozilla and Deryck went to sleep. The service pack for Windows XP finally came out but the Mozilla developers disagreed and bill bought Deryck and renamed to Deryck XP Pro which everyone liked but Bill became furious as the number of people using Microsoft Internet Explorer went down since that people were using Deryck XP Pro. The Kitties invervened and stopped then he decided to go to the park for a game of cricket which was released by EA Sports recently which became a big hit with the old gamers. Then he started playing Pong but reminded him of a Bong. So he lit it up And then, George Dubbya and his daughter Jenna go out for a couple of beers and snort a couple lines. They had lots of fun after that, considering Jenna's last name seeing all these incidents. Prasanth told Neobond to post the 3000th reply but Keldyn was too quick to move the threads and merge them for fun and all this just because Keldyn was oh so bored but he also wanted to increase his post number so he called scoobie and asked for pointers but scoobie didn't recognized the question and he decided to build a secret prototype called the "SpamMaster 3000"and test it on the Neowin forum. It proved to be a huge success and his posts reached astronomical levels but wait there's still hope. The moderators became suspicious of the spam so they begin their journey up yours near Lockes house and find a solution to determinate the Spammster 3000 which Symantec produced, specially for the moderators, after threats to it by the moderators, called the Symantec Norton Anti-Spam-Master 3001 but it was a bloatware and farted and blue screened all over the place like Keldyns signature scoobie spammed more and more and Microsoft came with a product codenamed Shorthorn. Shorthorn, because Microsoft suckaas have gone to lunch and they can't eat cereal because they were depressed and had no girlfriends and because they were friends with scoobie so they decided to flame Microsoft so Microsoft had scoobie assassinated by their number. One hitman named Keldyn who, dressed in ominous black camouflage disappeared into the night. Mission completed. But they never realized that keldyn was a double agent. You need to be careful with whom you choose to work with. Our business model is to operate as a focused, open minded creative solution provider through a content development program. In order to facilitate this, our duty is not only surface your projects within budget and goal timeline, but to join forces as members of your team and increase your bottom line. Besides, don't you just want to go with the guys with the cool name? And so, Dale Winton chose to get an AMD CPU which he used to hack sex.com passwords with Lockes help but after a while they gave up because the Athlon burned and the Intel wouldn?t fit so he decided to throw the mobo away and buy a Mac to get a brand new 10gb iPod so he could splice pron movies together and share them with the borg and with tai went to a party with the kitties and ate roast guinea pigs after sometime the kitties got bored. Meanwhile back at rancho relaxo. The kitties praise Voodoo for nothing except for reminding everyone that victimizing & hatefull posts will not be tolerated. After all these incidents Prasanth posted his 1000th post.. He was so happy, that he started to cry and set about getting to his next post mile stone by tomorrow because he was scoobie undercover but he just slipped voodoo ?20 and Voodoo changed his post count to 10000 and Keldyn became angry and Keldyn changed his post count too to 3 bizzillion posts so Voodoo asked the moderators again to change it to 65*10^67 (sixty-five times ten to the power of sixty-seven) but the moderators refused and a flame war began. The kitties read that with great interest, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tai Posted June 2, 2002 Share Posted June 2, 2002 Tai & the kitties congratulated Deryck on being a literary genius, and gave him a cute cloned kitty (version Fedr0) ..:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deryck Posted June 2, 2002 Share Posted June 2, 2002 Thanks Tai, it's sooo cute. Anyway, I had gave up my Saturday evening to do this and it is good to be congratulated for it, thanks again Tai. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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