n3urotic Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Jack Bauer once beat Super Mario Bros. 3 without touching the controller. He just stared at the TV until the game beat itself. When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables. If you spell Jack Bauer in a Scrabble game, you win. Forever. Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are lame. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas. If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef, then it's effin' beef. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men. When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back. Jack Bauer?s calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink. Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better effin' do it. When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help. When Jack Bauer watches a pot, it boils immediately. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell. When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer. Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice. It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent. Jack Bauer once killed a group of Samurai Warriors with only a ball point pen. This lead to the phrase "The pen is mightier than the sword." Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That?s why there?s no life on Mars. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out. Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg. Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball. Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people. If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris. Jack Bauer rents videos and never rewinds them, ever. Strippers tip Jack Bauer. If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus. You walk into a bar and Jack Bauer's your wingman, you're probably gonna get laid. If you send someone to kill Jack Bauer, the only thing you accomplish is supplying him a fresh set of weapons to kill you with. ESPN rated Kobe Bryant for Vlade Divac as the second worst trade in history, after Jack Bauer for Behrooz Araz. Jack Bauer makes onions cry. Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
richardsim7 Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 AWESOME! :D -Rich- Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234007 Share on other sites More sharing options...
lol911 Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 A few funny ones, mostly boring. What irritates me is you use "effin' instead of "****ing". Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234024 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corris Veteran Posted February 23, 2006 Veteran Share Posted February 23, 2006 If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.. lmfao Jack Bauer is our new chuck norris :D Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234043 Share on other sites More sharing options...
PapiChuloNica Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 that was funny.... :) Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234047 Share on other sites More sharing options...
semifamous Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 I like most of the top ones at http://www.jackbauerfacts.com Current personal favorite: Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas. Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234064 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusedFusion Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 not bad, some of em were ok Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234493 Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirk26 Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 lol, good stuff! Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234503 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Von_Beard Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 JACK VS CHUCK :D Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234522 Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkymunky Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 lmfao Jack Bauer is our new chuck norris :D HOW DARE YOU!!!!! :cry: Noone replaces Chuck! However Jack is a very close second!!!!! :shiftyninja: Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234525 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corris Veteran Posted February 23, 2006 Veteran Share Posted February 23, 2006 HOW DARE YOU!!!!! :cry: Noone replaces Chuck! However Jack is a very close second!!!!! :shiftyninja: i know its hard to take, but chuck is getting old, one day, its hard to say, but one day he wont be here, he would of moved on to the big round house kick in the sky and we will only be left with jack Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234543 Share on other sites More sharing options...
semifamous Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 The Chuck Norris lists are all fictional. Jack Bauer lists, however, are 100% truth. Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234558 Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkymunky Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 i know its hard to take, but chuck is getting old, one day, its hard to say, but one day he wont be here, he would of moved on to the big round house kick in the sky and we will only be left with jack When you put it like that! It's true. However I never thought this day would come :cry: I'm sure with this new season of 24 I'll soon forget about Chuck. Ooooo will Kim Bauer be in it, I sooooooooooooooooo hope so. :woot: The Chuck Norris lists are all fictional. Jack Bauer lists, however, are 100% truth. NEVER!!!!!!!!!!! Chuck Norris is Jack Bauers Father, FACT!!! Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234579 Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesisdaman Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 awsome... hehe Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234624 Share on other sites More sharing options...
thagame Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 they both hump each other F them both :) Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587234640 Share on other sites More sharing options...
n3urotic Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 ... and we will only be left with jack That scares me Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587235452 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosh Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 LMFAO ! :D that was really funny. Link to comment https://www.neowin.net/forum/topic/435303-jack-bauer/#findComment-587237135 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts