Baseball should be thanking A-Rod

[Hurmoth]

Thank god for A-Rod, or, as he has now been rechristened, Stray-Rod.

What would this dismal Yankee season be without him?

The big city tabloid may be an antiquated form of journalism, but it endures, in part, as a purveyor of guilty pleasures. And so I set out for my local newsstand, another institution perilously close to obsolescence, and gave the guy two bucks plus tax for the national edition of the New York Post.

That boldly hyphenated construction ? the aforementioned "Stray-Rod" ? spoke of a headline writer at the top of his (or her) game. The front page promised that highest form of tabloid life, a mystery blonde. Unlike Buttafuocos or Trumps, the mystery blonde does not fall from fashion ? and this particular one was good as advertised. Not only did the shade of her locks approach platinum, but she seemed very well nourished in the thoracic region.

Every tale has its ideal medium, and no doubt this was best suited for print. A story like this warrants getting your fingers a little grimy. According to the Post, Rodriguez ? married father of a 2-year-old daughter ? and the mystery blonde went to a Toronto strip club called "The Brass Rail." They stayed there for an hour or so, then returned to the Four Seasons, where they were last seen getting into the same elevator.

There is no official word yet whether the mystery blonde has been improperly enhanced by an artificial substance. Though buxom blondes are part of, shall we say, the fabric of the game, they are not subject to routine testing. Still, before you dismiss this mystery blonde as a mere bimbo, consider that she may yet be to the A-Rod allegory what Bernard Malamud's temptress was to The Natural.

Or maybe not.

Even in the halcyon halls of FOXSports.com the news has met with some resistance. Some of my colleagues don't think it's a story at all.

Well, we might argue about propriety or taste. My own notion of decorum causes me to refrain from judging the third baseman, as that task belongs to Mrs. A-Rod. Let him pay for his sins, whatever they might be, in couples therapy. That should be deterrent enough. Let me also admit that the Post's front page injures my argument that A-Rod is a warm and cuddly alternative to Barry Bonds.

But please, don't tell me it's not a story.

I mean, how invincibly stupid is this guy?

Besides, this is all very funny. You know it is. If you can't chuckle holding that newspaper, you don't have a pulse.

And by that measure, baseball owes a debt of gratitude to Alex Rodriguez.

He did what he could for his team, knocking all those homers in April. Still, at this writing, the $200 million Yankees are 14 1/2 games behind the Red Sox. This is bad for the game. It's not just Yankee fans who need the Yankees to be good. It's the rest of the country, too. The Yankees should be worthy of contempt, not pity. But news of their latest failure seems to lead the nightly highlight shows. Pathetic.

Those tight shots of Joe Torre ? forced to explain yet another loss ? make him seem downright Nixonian. Then there's Brian Cashman, as dour as Kissinger in the Final Days. Even Steinbrenner fails to entertain. He is quoted as saying something about winning and competing, and it recalls the end of the "Wizard of Oz." I fear someone will pull back the curtain in the Tampa headquarters and find that Steinbrenner is long gone, replaced by his megaphone-wielding publicist, Howard Rubenstein.

It's sad is what it is.

So let's treat this scoop with the perspective it deserves. A-Rod does not yet rank in the pantheon of Yankee heroes, with legendary debauchers like Ruth, DiMaggio and Mantle. But at least he offers some respite from a relentlessly dreary Yankee season.

Besides, as everybody knows, when a team is slumping you need to change things up. Shuffle the order, as it were.

That said, maybe Joe Torre should get a mystery blonde of his own.

News Source: FOX Sports

[IlliniPi]

If I had millions of dollars and I was one of the greatest ball players in the game today, I think I would be doing the same thing. Kiregel's co-writers were right...this shouldn't be a big story for sporting news at all.

[Hurmoth]

If I had millions of dollars and I was one of the greatest ball players in the game today, I think I would be doing the same thing. Kiregel's co-writers were right...this shouldn't be a big story for sporting news at all.

If you had millions of dollars and was a great ball player you'd be cheating on your wife? :blink: You aren't married are you?

[IlliniPi]

Haha, I definitely didn't realize he was married, regardless of his kid. And to answer your question, no.

[Hurmoth]

Gotcha, wasn't sure if you knew if he was married. If he was I would agree that this isn't news at all, but him being a Yankee (and regardless of whether or not you hate the Yanks, they do try to have class, The Boss doesn't put up with a lot of nonsense) and being married makes it news.

[Rappy Veteran]

Wow I tend to think lately that people that earn alot of money do these things because they see it as a power trip...